The Green-Eyed Monster and Other Such Horrible Traits
Before I met my man I have to say that I was, for the most part, NOT a jealous person. Someone help! Can you hear me?! Really. I'm not quite sure who I am any more. I am so hyped about this guy that everytime I'm out in public, I find myself checking out the girls--rating how much they would turn my man's head. Okay. I know it's a foul disease. But I can't make it stop! I've gotten very angry with him--very. Mostly he's just a looker. Except of course in the case of one girl who works at some pub with whom he maintains he has nothing more than a casual acquaintance. I smelled something fishy though. Or did I? Maybe not on his part, but certainly on hers. I sometimes think that when my man talks about how awkward and unattractive he is, he almost buys into in it--and then other times...he's Mr. I'm-so-hot. I must love him, because he drives me insane.
Well, now I guess the tables have been turned, so to speak. Not too long ago I wondered out loud if he actually has the capacity to be a jealous person. My first lover moved back into town a long time ago, but I maintain a friendship with his sister. She called me crying the other day taht her brother lost all this shit on the computer and wondered if my brother could help. I asked him, but told my g-friend to have her brother call me--didn't want to just give out my bro's telephone number (he has serious issues with privacy). So when her bro called, I stated that I was sorry about his mess and handed the phone over to my bro.
I came home and told my man the 411 and he got mucho jealous--still brings it up, even--though now I think it's more of a joke. But my man's jealousy was over what this other person might or might not be thinking about me. He believed that this person would take advantage of a working relationship with my bro as a way to get back with me...and he was right! Last night I was at my bro's when he called and I could hear the conversation eventually turn to me! Yikes! This guy still thinks of me as I was when I was 18 years old. I am so much more than that now. And I can say straight up that I would NEVER be with him. First, I am in love and want nothing more than to live out the rest of my days with my man. I love him. And second, my first lover is still virtually the same person he was all those years ago. Evolution is necessary for survival in this world--and he is going nowhere fast.
Now, having said all this I must say that it sounds extraordinary--a guy who holds a torch for a girl all these years later (I mean I was with him in 1988). I mean, sure, maybe a really attractive girl goes through this kind of thing--probably too often, actually. See, beauty really is a curse! But I am an average girl, you know? Anyway, I hope he doesn't call. I want my man to feel safe and loved and completely unthreatened--as I feel with him...unless he's checking out some other girl! Ah, what a vicious cycle!
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